Does she really have to accept it ? It has been several times that she was thinking to accept that she has to be alone for the rest of the life, and she feels numb right now, there were many moments when she fought with God in her mind, she was blaming him, begging him, thanking him, sometime she thought he was abandoning her, and another time she had this belief that he want the best things for her and not just for her but all people, Then life grew harder, and doubts formed about the beliefs she once held. But noting got better, maybe her faith wasn't pure enough.
What did she want anyway, she fucked herself up not to do anything wrong, trying to be a good person, and she had expecting God help her within her way but,
But she saw nothing, nothing at all. She was really pissed off. And the idea that she's not enough make it worst, who ever tried to have a simple gap with her, it ended up with yelling. She started listening to self-discovery podcasts and working on herself, but none of it had the impact it was supposed to have.
Now she remembers her dream that once had, she was in a penthouse in her company, she had everything in that position, money, car, the lifestyle she had always sought, perhaps even fame ; to others she might have seemed very successful — but there was No Soule in there, and she had this feeling this impression of saw that dream through dark blue glasses, a cold color filter, she thought that was the feeling she would have to live with if she continued on the path she'd begun
Now she stands at the threshold of acceptance, but beneath the surface lies an insistent fear, what if she changes her whole belief system and everything becomes what she once wished for? Can she still respond to those changes? At this point she takes her hand up and surrender to God's desirer as no one could continue this fight, “She is no longer angry, no longer alive to joy; only one thing bends her lips into a fragile smile — the thought of that beautiful life that might have been, as she lights another cigar and lets its smoke burn the dream away.”
There is sometimes that no matter how hard you tried, you are doomed to fail or doom to do what you don't want. This is what people called Destiny, it is fucking strong and nothing can stop it.
