My dark side says: I'm not the kind of boy who is attractive to girls. I have no girls in my life who even likes me. Once I had one, and I lost her, do you know how? I pray days and months for a chance an opportunity, when God provides it, I just blow it up, and now every fucking single moment I think of her and think how useless I am. Although I sincerely wish her happiness and success, it still hurts. I feel like I'm not enough at all. I have nothing to be proud of, absolutely nothing. Not only that, but I don't even have a real friend. No one counts on me; no one even sees me. Some nights I feel like my thoughts are attacking my heart, squeezing, clawing, and crushing it, leave it alone and then do it again and again. And I try to pull it out from my chest so I can save it; my tears wet my pillow, but not works. God, that's horrible. It's very hard to accept I'm alone. I'm losing my hope and I hate myself more than anything, but I can't run away from myself and ask me to face myself so I can answer it with a punch in your face. Even I don't have the courage of suicide.
But the only and only point is that I trust in is God, and I kinda believe that, if anything can save me or saved me one day, that would the Miracle
and the Miracle must happen.
