I hate myself, not because of any choices that it made me make, but because of the choices that it didn't let me make. "I am a total loser." These are the last words of the chapter. I am done with this painful process of recognition. This is the time for action.
I don't want to be blue. I don't want to be red. I want to be purple.
I want to bloom, not to witness my own autumn — not to shed my leaves one by one.
I am withering away in the darkness of my thoughts. And it seems there is nothing I can do but cry. I can't help it anymore. It has proven to me that money is worth more than my blood.
There are far more than a thousand words in my heart, unwritten, and only one sentence comes out of the door of my mind palace: "You're blood of my blood."
How does it feel to lose repeatedly in the vortex of life? It mesmerizingly makes you numb.
Memories bring you down with all their might when you resist in the path of letting go of people.
And I bring a part of the novel and series Outlander, which has enchanted me with its beauty:
"Ye are Blood of my Blood, and Bone of my Bone.
I give ye my Body, that we Two might be One.
I give ye my Spirit, 'til our Life shall be Done."
Both Jamie and Claire say these words to each other. It is a traditional Gaelic "blood vow" that the couple recites together as part of their wedding ceremony.
To: Kamand
1405/03/05 - Tuesday - May 26, 2026 - 06 : 50 : 11 PM
