zaya.io/fh9jx
And 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘥.
"phew, I did it. Now what?" He thought.
Is this the end? Or is it just a new beginning? Perhaps, the beginning of a new chapter in his life,
maybe delight, maybe torment. "But this chapter is not over yet" he believed. This was not how fate
used to play as far as he knew. There were always more twists, more suffering. From his point of
view, fate was like a mad, cruel puppet master who liked to create just to shatter; An antique ruse, a
deceitful vendor advertising bliss, while selling tragedy. Around 7 months ago, he decided to make
contact with a friend from his past again; and perhaps, try to make a new relationship together. It
went well and they came along, it was quite joyous for him ― and, perhaps for a time, for his friend
as well. After a while, they got really close; like nothing had happened between them before. They
became obsessed with talks the stretched past midnight, spending almost every night together till
one of them drifted off to satisfaction, followed shortly by the other one. That became the
unspoken promise between them, but he did not notice. The past is never never dead, it is not even
past, or so the saying goes. It always lurks deep within us, shaping our behavior and the choices we
make now and in the future. And it manipulates how we see the world, the people around us and
how we interact with them, I guess. It's always seeking the ignorant ― the ones who are unaware of
the past's influence on the present and the future ― to sting them. As it is not that hard to guess,
that state of happiness and joy made from being close did not last long. Alas, as he kept being
oblivious of their newly formed attachment, the friend ― who was already dealing with family
issues and self-doubt ― became frustrated, and at some point, cut the connection. It was revealed
after a while that they had grown close to someone new, a friend who became more than just a
friend soon after. He, for a long time, convinced himself that the cut off- which was not a new
phenomenon- was due to his friend's other issues and not their new found chéri. Not knowing the
truth, the best one can do is to assume nothing, or at least, the positive side of it. Although that
might not be suitable for different situations, it was the best He knew dealing with a loved one. But
doubt also is another thing that crawls spitefully in the shadows of one's mind. Should one give in
to it, doubt has the power to consume the mind; slowly, but thoroughly. Since the hollowing of their
connection began, he had fought the doubt relentlessly, trying his best to ignore all the darkness
within him and be there for his friend, for their return. The silence between them, however, had more
impact on him than any act of lambaste could. Silence is the powerful instrument that makes a
conscious being think deeply; weaving the strings of imagination and self-reflection together to
shape a story. The problem would be, if it lingers long enough within a mind possessed by the
darkness, the story woven might be alluring, but by no means pretty. It hurts, every word of it.
Specially the closer it gets to the reality. Something that many of us know very well as 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘴𝘩
𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘵𝘩. And to him, the one who was given not a single clear answer to the many questions formed
in his mind by this inner darkness, that story was becoming the reality itself. As He kept reaching
out for this friend; overlooking being ignored again and again, disturbing thoughts became his
mind's permanent habitants. Telling him that he was not enough, that he had failed once again
despite his utmost effort to show he valued his friend and their friendship. He became used to
asking himself "Did I not give enough care? Enough love and kindness? Did I ever put anything
above 𝘜𝘴? Why is this happening all over again?". Alas, there were no answers that could calm the
untamed darkness which roamed his mind. He was directly gazing into the abyss, watching his
inner monsters clash with his morality; he refused to give up.
"And if you gaze long enough into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you" - Beyond Good and Evil, Nietzsche.
